The State of Overthinking

If overthinking were an Olympic sport, I would have won a gold medal every time. There has never been a day in the life without me scrutinizing over the little things. More so often than not, I stress over the things not worth shedding a tear over such as forgetting to turn off the mobile data while watching Instagram videos when WiFi is within reach or my favorite team's season standings.  Add in future career paths, deep conversations, and brainstorming content ideas to the factors that put me into the state of overthinking.

There is no cure for this, at least in my perspective. Not even a miracle drug can suppress this taxing feeling of sleeping at night without a definite answer to my questions.

What I Learned From A Decade of Blogging

All I wanted was a website of my unfiltered thoughts when I started blogging in the summer of 2008. Back then, blogs were already rising in popularity amongst teenagers who just wanted to write. So when I was finally free from schoolwork for at least three months, I wasted no time in building my Blogspot -- cute blog skins, hours of HTML lessons on Google, drafting my profile, and brainstorming my catchy URL.

My investment in this then-new blog paid off quicker than I could have ever imagined. The summer of 2008 was everything that I hoped for. While everyone else was taking summer dance classes or beach hopping in the slickest islands, I was spending 7-8 hours a day to blog and make new online buddies. Candy Magazine's online forum Teentalk was my alternative to Friendster, having acquainted with teenagers all over the world who shared the same passions for blogging, fashion, and movies. My affiliate list - crickets at the beginning because it was empty - grew by the day with a simple ”Link ex?” message on their tagboards. My mood was never 100% happy without posting about my daily shenanigans or the latest jam I liked at least weekly.

In other words, my blogging hobby opened me to many doors that I never thought would happen. That was my life during the summer of my high school years. Yes, I still updated it every now and then come school season but nothing feels better than the freedom to blog sans getting bombarded by homework worrywarts.

More than ten years to the day I first posted on The Candydoll Files aka superstarcandy / shopaholic_candice / whateverusernameithoughfof and I have yet to compose on the lessons learned over my time in this now-burgeoning virtual niche.

Why haven’t I thought of doing this yet? Oh right, because I was too preoccupied with so many things.

Oh, masters program is over? Time to get the dust off my desk and start writing about this brewing topic...

What have I learned from blogging since 2008?

Some good, some bad. Nothing in between. Now allow me to discuss each lesson in detail just in case you’re wondering:

Your blog is more than just your online diary.

The context of the ”blog” has evolved from your public diary to a platform for your passions. Fashion blogs or day-to-day blogs were all I found (and admired) back in the day. Fast forward to the 2010s and the blogosphere is now more diverse than ever.  Artists, backpackers, thought leaders, and lifestyle mavens have built a strong following through their blogs. Opportunities have poured in for several of them thanks to their posts - sponsorships, brand endorsements, and public recognition among prominent examples. Sounds cliched, but it is wonderful how far blogging has gone from its humble beginnings on the Internet.

Friendships know no medium.

The dawn of the Internet changed how relationships are built and maintained over time. As is with real life, blogging introduced me to people who I never expected to connect with. We were bound by our mutual interest in expressing ourselves and all the typical stuff teenagers fawn over. Our friendship transcended beyond our blogs - in fact, some of them ended up being my online buddies on social media. Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, including the digital artifacts in Multiply and Friendster. One of those bloggers even became a college friend (hey Nadine!), meeting her in person when a friend walked up to her on the first day of TREDTRI class six years ago. Our first meeting was everything we expected - glorious and spectacular. I'm glad to have met her!

In retrospect, blogging connected me to hundreds of users from all walks of life. We may live different lives but we become one in the same through this shared passion for this hobby.

Think before you post.

Is there a need to elaborate on this further? I'm certain that every Internet user should be wary of this universal rule by now. Even if you delete an Internet blunder following the backlash, there is no way you can make everyone forget it because screenshots exist.

Don't let any criticism pull you down.

Back when Formspring was all the craze in 2010, I received an anonymous message from a reader criticizing my writing abilities. It read: "Check your grammar. I know you call yourself a writer but you can't even do that? No offense." My initial response was to review my recent blog posts to see if this reader was right. But then I realized that overreacting won't do me any favors and that he/she intended to share insightful feedback for my personal growth. A little later, I responded to the anonymous criticism with thanks. Since then I took this message motivation to improve as a writer.

Maybe the anonymous user could've worded his/her message better in a less offensive way but I get their point. Getting constructive criticism, much less giving it, is not one of our favorite things. However, how can we grow into our best selves when we easily crumble at the sound of feedback? Brains Over Blonde's post on this subject matter put it succinctly. The purpose of giving criticism is to help rather than degrade.

Blogging is harder than you think.

EDIT: Gotta add a lot more thoughts in here after reading a heap of digital marketing topics on Quora.

I kid you not, writing a blog entry takes more than an hour to finish because of the countless edits, language checks, and image hunting to complement my words. Add in the extra hour allotted for sourcing inspiration from fellow bloggers and industry writers. Content takes proper planning, from brainstorming topics down to customizing SEO settings for greater visibility in a noisy digital landscape.

The gist of these statements is that blogging is not just about "type, publish and wait" anymore. Owning a blog is akin to purchasing your own house as it takes a huge responsibility to maintain it in excellent condition. As the owner, you are accountable for keeping your posts timely, engaging, and interesting. Not to mention you are using your blog to express not to impress or demean other people. 

Blogging requires a significant chunk of your time organizing your thoughts, reminiscing about your experiences, and constructing a post in a sense that it resonates with readers all over the world.

I could've written a hundred lessons learned from ten years of The Candydoll Files. But at this point, I am still learning many more along the way. Because no matter what happens I will always be thankful for the existence of blogging on this green Earth. Life would've been drastically different had it never emerged - and I do not want to think about that.

Faith, trust, and pixie dust

Of all the possible hours of the day, it almost seems like I write about life's shenanigans (in long form regardless) best at night. I don't know why but I guess this is what happens when you're used to sleeping no earlier than 9 PM because either you're reading about unsolved crimes or refreshing your social media for the latest offseason trade rumors or thinking about your career now that you're donezo with school. 

There is one thing in particular that I want to write about to fill up this white space. I am at the crossroads right now because I want to get my career back on track. Snatching the right opportunity, however, has been more complicated than I had ever imagined. As much as I am eager to grow my career overseas, it has been a struggle so far but I am hopeful that all my hard work will pay off soon.

Mind you, it's been almost three months since I completed my postgrad. But I am not lying if I tell you that until now I am still looking for the right opportunity to jumpstart my career again, to tackle the next challenge of the path I didn't realize I wanted to be in until later on but currently on hiatus until further notice. While most of my peers are posting about the stressful slash exciting parts of the working world, here I am dealing with unwanted emails that start with "Thank you for applying to Acme Industries. Upon review, we've decided that we are not moving forward..." in the midst of my search for the job that matches my skills and experience. Every time I read an article about someone who landed their dream roles on their debut in the corporate world, I always wonder how they got what they wanted almost immediately while I dealt with 10-20 rejections before getting that one yes. Even now I am still waiting for that second yes (the first was C&S three years ago) to kick off the next chapter of my professional career.

Hold up. Something is not quite right here. Why am I comparing myself to others again? Why am I becoming a self-defeatist? I thought I left that all behind in high school? That's right, I shouldn't be worrying about what others are doing and the level of success they've achieved early in their careers. I should be focused on improving myself both as Candice The Professional and Candice the Cookie Eater. I'm certain quite a number of my peers are holding senior positions now while I'm back to square one, so what? Success is neither a reality competition nor the Grand Prix. It doesn't matter who becomes the Director of a Fortune 500 company first. One thing's for sure: it is neither too late nor too early to be the best you can be.

Whenever I feel down about my postgrad job hunt, I search high and low for inspirational stories of how jobseekers landed the jobs they love albeit the many circumstances that tried to break them along the way. Although it is easy to fall for those sensational headlines such as "7 Signs You Nailed The Job Interview" or "This Answer to 'Tell Me About Yourself' Will Land You The Job", I just try to not overthink with whatever career advice I read online because it only keeps me jaded from reaching my full potential. Moreover, I never stop enumerating my blessings in a mental gratitude list I make before going to bed. If you're not grateful with what you have, what more when you receive what you want?

Heading over to the dreaded R word that rhymes with conjunction. In hindsight, I've come to realize that perhaps I wouldn't fit in the roles I was turned down for. I remember crying just weeks ago over a company I thought I nailed my interview in days prior only to realize that the role wasn't something that matched my skills after all. There's a saying that you don't know what you're being protected from for every rejection you get - and that is the gospel truth. On the brighter side, every no is a blessing in disguise because it only means that a better opportunity is waiting in the wings for you. That perfect opportunity fulfills all your needs and desires, makes you happy doing that for a living and boosts your confidence.

This I believe that I will get that one sweet yes after going through a hundred nos along the way. I am extremely positive that it will not be long enough before I land the right job for me.

All the love and xo’s for the lovely and amazing mothers out there especially to this queen. Thank you so much for everything, mom. Thank you also to my lolas and my aunts for your guidance through all these years. 💋👸🏻

Thank you @unwomensg for giving me the opportunity to volunteer as an event photographer at today’s #heforshesg Impact Awards! Kudos to the entire team for a job well done 😃 (at Conrad Centennial Singapore)

Throwback time. On this day a year ago, I embarked on a brand new opportunity even if it meant moving on to something I held onto dearly for so long. That opportunity I’m talking about is my MBA pursuit - a big break after switching off my “Study Mode” for two years.
I can’t be grateful enough for everything C&S has done for me in the year and a half I worked there. They became my second home, the place where I grew from a fresh grad with the newbie-in-the-desk jitters to a strong, confident, and savvy career go-getter. There was no second in my entire stay when I felt bored, lonely or hopeless as they never ran out of opportunities for me to grow. So many good memories came out of this experience, and I thank C&S for making that chapter of my life unforgettable. 🤗🍷
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P.S: Until now I still miss all those daily “Wait lang, nagcocopy pa ako” moments and those random chikahans and pabanats in the office 🤣

I am honored to have had the opportunity to be the Assistant Events Manager of UONS Business Club this school year! Moreover, I am beyond grateful for my mentors and orgmates for this magical thrill ride. Congratulations again to the new committee members! 🙌🏼