Failing Is Bad (Or So I Think).

HEADLINES: I DIDN’T GET IN THE CANDY COUNCIL OF COOL.

What a bummer. I got in the second screening (which I’m proud of), but this morning on the way to the mall where my mom will be on duty for work, I got the text message from Ms. Marla. It said, “Unfortunately, we have chosen only the most qualified. Thank you for joining and try again.” I was shocked. I was near-tears in the jeep we were riding that time. My heart sank. My dreams shattered. I was thinking, I didn’t pass Dulaang Pinoy this year and now Candy? Am I destined to fail all of my life? Come on, I believed that I did well in the interview and the review I did on Queen Bees and Wannabes was already fine. Then I got this? Ever since the announcement that I qualified for the second screening, I prayed to God that I may get the opportunity I’ve been hoping for. When I was interviewed on Thursday, I could see that the editors were impressed by me. One of them also said, “Seems like you prepared your speech.”

So the text message arrived, I was like, WTH? I went absent on that day just to go there and now my efforts were fruitless? I remembered the failures that I encountered: not being a Junior Librarian in Grade 4, not being part of the Theresian Magazine staff in Grade 5 and 6, rejected in the Dulaang Pinoy last June. So okay, I’m destined to fail. When will I ever get success? I want to prove to those who judge me so much without knowing me that a simple sophomore can make it big. While rambling those thoughts, I was also thinking, I was born to be a loser. Why all of the opportunities I want are not given to me? Maybe God thinks I’m never good enough. I am even thinking of not joining the COC contest next year since I failed. My bitterness was so hard that I’m planning on not buying the November/December issue just because I’ll imagine that if I got in, the whole STC will know me and they’ll see how good am I. The Theresian Mag might even accept me as a writer this junior year. But I shouldn’t be bitter because if I did, I’ll never learn to be thankful. I should be thankful that out of the thousands of entries sent to Candy, I got qualified in the second screening. It is a sign of improvement regarding my writing skills. Not all people are destined to be good in writing. Not all girls like me get accepted in a screening like this. Most of all, there might be a better plan for me. It’s not that not getting in meant I’m a bad writer and I’ll fail forever. God wants me to stay focus because He knew it’s not yet the time to appear in a magazine. Maybe next year, I’ll be part of COC Batch 10 where Candy celebrates a decade of being Candy. I just have to trust His plans. Who knows, being in Batch 10 will be better.

I remembered a friend who said something to me when I failed the Dulaan auditions. “Stop whining about that pathetic audition!” she said. In fact, I’m happy in my Booklat SEG. If in Grade School I didn’t became a Junior Librarian, right now I am one, thanks to the club. Not only that, I enjoy it because my friends are there, which triples the fun. And besides, success doesn’t come to your doorstep overnight. Look at Charice. She wasn’t proclaimed the winner in Little Big Star but no one expected her international success three years later. Not all winners are successful. If you’re reading this post, hope you can name some celebs who are enjoying success although they failed lots of times. An important lesson: if life is perfect, you’ll never know God at ALL.

BTW, an earthquake occurred about an hour ago. :)