2008 Was Disappointing.

Even before our Christmas party yesterday, I started to think about how horrible the year 2008 went for me. Almost everything went wrong, from school to pursuing the things that I want to accomplish. Nothing really went wrong with my family, since everything’s okay. Before the year ends, I’ll pour out all of the emotions that I’ve been hiding since January. Let’s begin with my schoolwork.

In the fourth quarter of my freshman year I was almost proclaimed as Outstanding Student. However, to be proclaimed one you have to have at least a general average of 88 and grades no lower than 85. Math was 82 although I had 3 90’s. Too bad. So when sophomore year came, I tried my best to work harder and reach the dream that I’ve been longing for since Prep. But there came the obstacles.

Suddenly everyone was improving. While they got perfect scores in quizzes I will get at least one or two mistakes. Within those weeks, everyone at least got a higher score than me. I was proud of them for their vast improvement. But I was envious because they were so good in Math while I wasn’t. Once I even thought that everyone was turning into a monster. First and second quarter were a blur for me: I was doing well in school but it wasn’t enough. During those quarters I was thinking that my intelligence was declining. I worked hard everyday, so I still made good grades but with bad thoughts. When I told this situation to mom, she told me to stop thinking about others’ grades and focus on myself. So what I did this past third quarter? I studied so hard that I got impressive scores, like a 34/35 in our English long test (I only got a mistake in the essay). Suddenly I was becoming stronger again. Now I’m proud all of us are improving this sophomore year.

Then there came the Candy Council of Cool membership.

I was shocked when mom told me the news over lunchbreak via phone call. Unfortunately on Saturday the same week, I got the text message saying I didn’t get it in. I cried on the way to the mall where I complained to mom while eating lunch. At first I thought it was unfair. But from then on I realized that I was lucky I got the chance to be in the second screening. God may have better plans for me; who knows, I’ll be in next year. I’m thinking of joining Theresian Mag this school year.

Social life and looks? I got more insecure than ever.

I got more conscious with my looks this year. Everyday I would look at the mirror and see how flat my nose was, how thick my lips were, and how fat I was. Everyday I would go to school and see how beautiful the girls were. They were stick-thin, something that I am not. I tried walking long distances to exercise but still it didn’t work. Some people even said that I am ugly. I got hurt by their comments saying that the camera will break if ever I take pictures in it or if ever someone downloads my photo, the computer will get a virus. But according to a book I’ve read, looks don’t matter in adulthood. I’m not sure if it’s true. Talking about my social life, I belonged to a group who are funny, smart, lovable, and strong. Qualities that only a few cliques possess. We don’t even have a clique name and it doesn’t matter to us, as long as we are one united barkada. I don’t care how popular or unpopular my friends are. However, my popularity dream took to a higher level this sophomore year. I wanted to be someone almost the whole HS campus knew, the girl everyone wants to be friends with. Looking at those “popular” and “cool” girls, I so badly want to be them. Everyone loves them, everyone thinks they’re pretty, and they’re “in”. There are the times when I want to be mean….but karma will come to you after years without knowing it.

Just like someone who was very mean to me back in Grade School and turned almost all of my classmates against me. They even picked her over me. I was hated for no reason. How pathetic. Then three years later, karma took its toll on her.

With all the problems I have in school, I would sometimes go to bed crying. I would think all of the horrible things that happened to me over the past weeks. There were the people who would comfort me: friends, parents, classmates, teachers, God. I was thankful for them for lending a crying shoulder. Many people were saying that all these things will have a payback. Failures are successes in disguise, some said. Rejections will turn into acceptances. 2008 made me a stronger and better person.

I just hope 2009 will be way better than this year.