I was so high and now I am so low

I said I don’t want to walk this earth if I gotta do it solo.

If I have short posts like these, comments are disabled. I do it for the sake of updating.

But watch out for Saturday’s post: I have great news!

And I have piles of homework everyday.

Readers, thank you also for your comments. I’ll answer them this weekend.

Outcasts and girls with ambition

In front of your monitors, you are reading a post by Cady Heron.

No joke.

Oops, you got fooled!

I’m still Candice but I’m just playing the part of Cady in relation to what I’ll blog here. Let me start with teensy weensy details.

Mean Girls is my favorite movie. From the first time I laid eyes on the movie one Sunday night, I instantly fell in love with it. I love the film not only for the memorable lines but also the scenes portrayed were parallel to real-life experiences. In the movie, Cady Heron goes to school and meets a clique popularly known as “The Plastics”. She becomes friends with them, catapults to school hierarchy and in a sudden twist of fate becomes the most hated girl in the campus.

Let’s get serious. I’m talking about Mean Girls because I can relate to it. In fact, up until now I am facing a lot of girl’s ala Regina George in school. Ask me if have ever been bullied. I’ll answer yes. Everything can be traced back to Grade 5. Before I tell you my Diary of a Plastics Victim, I’d like to inform all of you that all names have been altered to protect their privacy.

Once upon a time, I was a simple Grade 5 student part of section A. Sometime in October, I and my friend became part of a newly-formed clique. We ate lunch together at the cafeteria, swapped gossips and secrets and had a lot of fun. But beneath the chuckles was one word piercing every girl’s mind: backstabbing. It was at the same time I began feeling the wrath of the mean girls. Slowly, each of my “friends” asked me to do orders such as to throw their trash and buy their food at the canteen. They treated me like a scullery maid. I was afraid they’ll hate me if I didn’t follow their orders so I just said yes.

In a class grouping in November 2005, it took for the worse. I was assigned to an acting group for a multiple intelligence activity. Our focus was Proserpine and Pluto. I thought it would be the opportunity to showcase my talent to the whole class but it went the other way around. During the course of our rehearsals and the presentation itself, I was ignored by almost all of my groupmates. They even made me play A FLOWER. Can you believe that? On the day of our performance, I just sat there doing zilch. And on another activity with the same grouping at Sibika class, I wasn’t informed of what we were supposed to do. It broke my heart not being recognized as a member of their group. The bad events lasted the whole month.

More and more classmates turned against me even though I didn’t do anything bad to them. A friend phoned me one afternoon telling me a lot of people hate me because I was not as cool as other girls, I was stupid, and I was a big loser. She even told me to say vulgar words to enhance my maturity. WHAT THE CRAP. Did God oblige us to say the seven dirty words to be called matured people? It was a series of unfortunate events. My classmates will whisper something negative about me, wouldn’t want to be my seatmate or partner and even friend. Then it all came to a head on the day I’ll never ever forget.

November 25, 2005. It was the day of the PAASCU accreditation. Little I knew it would give me a great effect on my personal life up to this day. I went down from 5-A to the GS lawn to line up with my classmates. I placed at this girl’s back and she told me if I should be placed in there. I said yes but she replied, “Hindi ka diyan!” So I moved to one girl to another but they all said the same thing. A few minutes later, the same classmate who began everything made parinig to her friend gesturing “Candice is smelly”. It was at the peak of the class gossip where I was rumored to have…just read the previous sentence. Luckily, my class adviser arrived to see what was happening. I was in tears while my classmates scolded me to stay out of their sight. That teacher asked me why I crying. I suddenly ran out of the lawn in a dash and locked myself in a cubicle in the CR. I was weeping inside there during the whole flag ceremony. When it was time for the introduction of the PAASCU heads, I came out of the CR and a teacher comforted me upon seeing me in flooded tears.

It didn’t stop there. My “best friend” backstabbed me for three whole months. She kept on calling me every afternoon only to tell how despised I am in our class. I didn’t do anything wrong to them. I tried to make friends with them but they rejected me. I didn’t really enjoy the company of my groupmates in Music that school year because I learned from a classmate that they didn’t want me in their group. I shed a few tears following what I’ve heard from her. On March the following year, I temporarily lost my best friend because I showed to my adviser a very immoral illustration she made in my drill notebook. Everything went quiet for a while. The following school year, I was about to graduate grade school. I thought I was already appreciated by my classmates because they kept on cheering me whenever I had a presentation. Unfortunately, it started another string of hurt feelings against my ex-class.

More classmates treated me like dirt. Almost all of my seatmates didn’t want me around them because they were disgusted by my looks. SO WHAT? It sickened me the whole time I was near them. Along with a few of other girls near us, they would make nasty comments about me. I pretended not to care.

My Grade 6 adviser reprimanded my classmates on October 6, 2006 regarding on their actions towards me. I blurted out to the whole class during an open forum how they treated me. After that, a lot of girls apologized to me. For a few months it went smoothly. Now let’s move on to my life in junior year.

I was victimized by bullying again. A few schoolmates made everything in my life like inferno. They called me ugly and asked why I wasn’t as pretty as my batchmates. An array of names followed: freak, nerd, and a loser. One girl told me the reason why I don’t have a boyfriend until now is because I’m not beautiful. I said that guy will arrive in the future and she replied with “ulol”. A few others cursed me mercilessly. There was even someone in school who post a status against me saying “Nakakainis si Candice!” flooded with comments. She even told me I was FC. Here’s another bombshell: one told me it would be best for me to leave STC.

Up until now, there are some classmates who didn’t treat nicely as they do to others. Once in a while I would cry to my mom telling her how horrible my bullies were. She told me that one day, I’ll be out to be successful and that’s will be my greatest revenge to all those who abused me. Often times, I’d imagine myself in the shoes a popular girl in school whom everyone worshipped like Aphrodite. I imagined a life without anyone who will label me in a negative way. I always wished I was in their place so I could enjoy popularity and the feeling of being loved.

As long as I don’t do anything against those girls, I don’t deserve to be bullied. Now that’s what I call a real life Mean Girls movie.

[Pink]

Falling to the floor

Here I go again with the weekly update of my life as a senior. My UPCAT form has been submitted already and the only thing I need is the test permit. I hope I’ll be taking the test on the 8th so I have another day of refreshing my memory. It’s just the beginning of my collegiate dream. In the next few weeks, I’ll be juggling my application forms in Ateneo, La Salle and UST along with my schoolworks.

Sigh. Speaking about schoolwork, it has never been the same since the last school year. I used to have about an average of 1-2 homework(s) on a weekend. But now, I’m bringing home a pile of 3-4 assignments. And adding to the stress are behold, THE ALMIGHTY QUIZZES!

Let me show you a week in my senior year life scanned from my planner (click the image for a larger view):

See how hectic my schedule can be? This is one valid reason why I blog only on the weekends. So catch me up on Twitter on the weekdays where I can update you all in 140 characters.

I haven’t uploaded a Can-work lately and I know you miss it. My Flickr account is dead so I’ll just post all of them here. Yesterday I completed another art piece which I started in between classes. Here it is:

So, what do you think?

[Nelly Furtado]

Right through the back door let the games begin

This is a digiscrap masterpiece of my photos with Dad over the years. He has worked in Singapore for the past 48 months. Since March 2008, Dad returns to the Philippines for a vacation every 6-8 months. So far, he went back to the Philippines for four times already with the most recent being on February 2010. Want me to tell you what lies beneath these four photos? I’ll narrate to all of you the history behind every snapshot, every reminiscence.

First photo (above left) - It was taken in Vigan back when I was a about a year or two.
Second photo (above right) - Mom snapped a photo of my dad and me during our dinner in Pizza Hut back in August 2009. It was that night the three of us watched GI Joe: Rise of Cobra which I fell asleep on for 75% of the movie. Haha!
Third photo (below left) - His most recent visit in the Philippines was definitely enjoyable. We got to bond a lot that time. Again my mom captured a photo of us in Cajun restaurant located in Retiro.
She thought it was a great shot.
Fourth photo (below right) - See how cute and cuddly my dad can be? It was after my first Field Demonstration with the pompoms and the hype of a Cheerio.

I told about my masterpiece for him last night during our weekly chats. Before he logged off, he said he couldn’t wait to see what’s in store for him. Now to Dad, this is for you! It was also his birthday on the 16th so this is a two-in-one gift for him even without the birthday greeting in it. I give credit to Shabby Princess for the digital scrapbooking materials.

I’ve been very busy with school lately. Good riddance, it’s just the second week of senior year! I never felt like a drill sergeant before. Everyday I have to study for discussions, do some researching, analyze my homeworks, and review for the UPCAT (which I’ve started since Wednesday). I am listening very well to all of my teachers because I don’t want to be stricken with the procrastination bug anymore. So readers, I hope you understand why I blog only on the weekends. Visitors, I hope you leave a tag and ask how am I doing.

Moving on to Tumblr! Once again, I changed my URL to @shutupandsaycaution. I decided @ohowowlovelysuperstarr is too juvenile for a Tumblelog with sophisticated content. Why did I choose Shut Up and Say Caution? I was thinking of The Ting Tings’ song Shut Up and Let Me Go while changing my site title to “caution”. Then a lightbulb flashed. There. You’ve got it: the formula of a cautionary measure. It’s like, keep calm and be quiet. Oh, wait! I’ll present to you a Tumblr-related screenshot captured back in January when I was Lil’ Miss Drama.


Looking back, I remembered how hard it is for me to attain a hundred followers. A week after I signed up for Tumblr, I only had about two followers. Imagine? I followed about 10 people but my number of followers was almost zilch. I didn’t mind about it as first. So I tracked more people in the hope of getting a favor back. By the end of November, I attained 50. What did I do? Follow more. The number kept on increasing until I reached the three-digit number six months ago.

Ask me how many followers I have now. Here’s a clue: more than what I’ve expected. I thought it was impossible for me to have more than a hundred in that state. I have to confess I’m kind of envious with Tumblr users who have 500+ followers and a number of likes and reblogs on their posts. I don’t know how did they earn their fans. I browsed examples of those kind of blogs but sad to say, some don’t deserve it. I don’t have a friggin’ clue why a lot of fresh and more detailed Tumblrs aren’t getting much citation from users. Some become a pain from their unstoppable pride. I’ve asked one girl in Formspring how many followers does she have. X replied to me:

“I have 200+ awesome followers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA kid.”

Five months later, I now have more followers than her. Lesson of the story? Don’t brag about your success. You may never know, one day you’ll be on the bottom of the mountain.

But as a lot of people say, Tumblr is NOT a social networking site like Facebook and Friendster but a place mainly to free your mind from all curiosity and euphoria. In addition, no one’s famous there but David Karp, the brainchild of this blogging juggernaut. There will always be lesser and greater number of followers than your Tumblelog. Nevertheless, I hope one day I’ll be able to realize that popularity is just a blip on the radar to your artistry and uniqueness.

I’ll follow back as long as I see on your Tumblelog that we have a lot of things in common. But I stopped following a Tumblr user several weeks back because she was a fan of two Pinoy loveteams I can’t stand at all. Wanna know who? Comment on this post!

[Puddle Of Mudd]

THIS POST WAS EDITED TODAY AT 5:40 PM. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE AMBIGUOUS REFERENCE IN THE SECOND TO THE LAST PARAGRAPH.

The morning rain clouds up my window

(Click the image for a larger view)

On Thursday afternoon, I reblogged a tantalizing Katy Perry photo on Tumblr. It so happened a follower of mine posted a screenshot of my post and of another user’s repost. Mine was the real Katy and her watermelon. Above it was a cartoonized version of the photo. Sounds cool, huh? I’m sharing this to all of you because it’s the first time a reblog was part of a Tumblr screenshot. When I found out this got a thousand notes and the user was following me, I followed her back. *wink*

Yesterday was a special day. It wasn’t only because the Philippines commemorated its 112nd year of independence. It was also my mom’s 39th birthday and at the same time my parents’ 17th wedding anniversary. When I woke up yesterday, I immediately greeted my mom a happy birthday. She was so happy to hear those words and thanked me. We didn’t celebrate it by going to a lavish restaurant or throwing a party. We were at home simply living like it’s just an ordinary day. For dinner, our whole family ate BBQs. Apart from that, I had Andok’s fried chicken. It was a satisfying meal. Before I went to bed that night, my mom thanked me for the day she had even if we didn’t go anywhere. She said:

“Beh, what matters most is that I celebrated my birthday with you and God gave me another wonderful year to live.”

My mom’s birthday was plain simple. No birthday cake from Red Ribbon, no balloons, no chandelier hanging on the ceiling. No popping of champagne, no Cinderella gown. As long as the most important people in her life remembered the day she came to Earth, her day’s complete. You don’t need a birthday celebration matched by a swimming party or ala debut to make it your day. There are a lot of people who have pompous parties on their birthdays but the significant ones in their lives aren’t present. If you were to choose, which one will you pick: a birthday without the glamour but your family and friends are there or a birthday party without your loved ones? I’ll pick the first one.

I am thankful for God has blessed my parents another year together as a couple who never left my side since my birth. I am grateful for the Lord because my mom has fulfilled a lot during her 38 years. I am so lucky to have her as my mom for she has made me happy and hopeful in all of my accomplishments, failures, joys and displeasures. My dad will celebrate his 39th birthday on the 16th; I would also like to give grace to the Almighty Father for blessing him with good health, happiness and love for all the people around him.

Another grace came to me on Thursday when I found out I’m still part of the Theresian Magazine staff for this school year. A few months ago, I was visibly shaken when I learned from my moderator only those who’ll be assigned as editor and associate editor of the school organ won’t have to re-audition. In this case, all staffers without an assigned editorial position are required to try out again. For the whole summer, I prayed for another year in the Theresian Mag staff. Finally on Thursday, my prayers were answered. My mind and heart were jumping with glee as I learned of the good news. This Friday, the staff will have a meeting to explain school publication matters.

Moving on to my first day of my elective class. After recess, I headed to IV-5 for the CWJ class. I was nervous at first. Before entering the classroom, I was hoping I won’t be disappointed with my second choice (Media Arts was my first). The session went on smoothly. We were asked to fill out an information form I enjoyed answering with. I wrote The Veronicas as “Person I Love in Music”, Mean Girls as my favorite movie and a bunch of books in my list of reads. I wanted to write my other favorite bands / singers in my favorite music but we were only required to pick one band / singer.

A little plug-in: please follow me on Tumblr by visiting http://ohwowlovelysuperstarr.tumblr.com. I really need your follow here. I have reached the 300 mark already so let’s increase the number!

What can I say about the installment of my Shoutbox and addition of a link to comment on my post? It was a tremendous success! I’d like to thank everyone who dropped by and left a mark on my entries. Just keep the HYC spirit going!

[Eminem and Dido]

EDITED: Did I tell you about my re-audition in the school paper? The policy has changed. Wish me luck in the coming days. :)

It's gonna take a miracle to take me back

After a week with the robot ad whenever you click the HYC link, I’m finally done with my new layout! It took approximately FIVE hours for me to finish this. It required hard work and patience to present an excellent webpage to the world. In the end, everything paid off. Before I tell you about the first three days of senior year, let me share what happened behind the HYC curtain.

For two years, I was a unique blogger who didn’t install a chatbox. Don’t fret on this fact. Recently, my mind flooded with curiousity as I left a tag on my blogfriends’ chatboxes. I was thinking, “Hmmm, if I installed a chatbox, will someone leave a message?” So I headed to Teentalk for some advice. A lot of people told me to install one because it will give me an opportunity to connect with my readers. At first, I doubt about it. But one night, I finally made the move to create a Shoutmix account and embed a chatbox widget on my blog. That’s how the “site maintenance” happened. I changed my layout, added a link for comments to each of my posts and the Shoutmix. I’d like to thank all those who suggested a chatbox on my site especially the wonderful Shekinah of therottendoll. For a few times this week, we exchanged messages on Formspring about the big change on HYC. She kept on asking me about the condition of HYC which I’m very thankful for. Also, Shekinah is one of my regular readers here. Please visit her blog if you can; you’ll love it to bits.

Commercial break is over. Now back to regular programming.

I expected the first three days of school to be a wonderland. Unfortunately, it didn’t go well as planned. I wasn’t the only one who felt disappointed with the first week of senior year. A lot of my batchmates were, too. Why?

- Goodbye, Dance Pro. Hello again, Field Demo. Should I be excited for October 27?
- PALIHAN, meet your substitute: KASAMAHAN. Bye bye, white shirt and denims. :((
- IV-3’s not complete anymore; we lost four classmates. (Miss you all!) Plus, two in our class were absent last week. Hope to see them again on Tuesday.
- Locker fee: P70. Size? SUPER SMALL. So not worth it.
- The classroom is morning sunshine’s target. Our class and IV-4 need to line up in front of the faculty and the Guidance Office every flag ceremony.
- Rumor has it that Bandfest will be replaced by Dancefest. Who will audition for that event anyway?

I enjoyed my first session with my elective Creative Writing and Journalism last Thursday. It was fuuuuuun. And my friends? I love recess and lunch because I’m with them.

So, how was your first day?

[Rihanna]

Announcement!

I found a new blogskin today. In a few days I’ll be changing this. Watch out for the big change.

Oh, remember to visit this everyday. You may never know the day I will reveal HYC’s new look.

We're settling the final score

This might be my last post for the summer before I hit the corridors once again on Wednesday. Let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who viewed Heck Yeah Candydoll since the installation of my hit counter on Tuesday. Continue to support my blog, spread HYC to the cyberuniverse, and be part of my ramblings and reflections! I’d also thank all of my blogging buddies for being wonderful and inspiring online journalists! I modified my layout the past week with a few changes:

- Installed a hit counter
- Removed the link to my Robo.to account since I rarely use it
- Added a “Follow on Google Connect” link for blog subscription
- Changed my profile and random facts section
- Removed the Candicam (I’ll decide if I’ll bring it back or not)- Changed my background
- New signature at the end of each post

Have I told you about Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time? My mom and I watched it after my final session of review class the Friday before this week (May 28). I enjoyed my last class at Academic Gateway because all we did was to write an essay, take class pictures, and have fun with our review-mates. After the class, I and mom met at the LRT Tayuman station and headed to SM San Lazaro to watch the movie. But before the film viewing, I ate at KFC and guess what was my meal? The NBA Fully Loaded Meal! I finished everything but the Zinger (I ate it inside the cinema). It was undeniably delicious. After a few minutes of strolling around the mall, we finally got into the moviehouse. My verdict? I enjoyed the movie. It’s not only because the Jake Gyllenhaal looked fantastic in his portrayal of Prince Dastan but also it’s the straightforward and subtle storyline. While watching Prince of Persia, I was awed with the outstanding visual effects, effective acting and the suspense not visible in most movies these days. Nevertheless, this is Jake’s best film so far.

Stare at Prince Dastan if you can! Just look at this photo montage below. *wink*

[Paramore]

Is it typical for us to end like this

As I told you one week ago, I deleted my Friendster and Multiply because I haven’t been updating them for a long time. No, it’s not just because of that. It’s because no one among my classmates and friends use them anymore. Everyone has switched to Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. I cancelled my Multiply first before Friendster.

To tell you the truth, I never enjoyed rainbowdoll (my site) at all. I only had less than a hundred contacts, I wasn’t into adding up schoolmates then, and the only thing I did was to lurk my classmates’ lovely sites. In other words, my relationship with Multi wasn’t as colorful as FS’. Plus, I found Multiply overrated, overhyped and overexposed. It will never get popular in the Philippines (it never really did) if ABS-CBN didn’t own 5% of the company. I hate it when it gets paired up with Facebook because it will never be as popular and enjoyable as the new social networking juggernaut. Multiply tried to overtake Friendster’s popularity but failed; it was Facebook who dethroned Friendster as the #1 website in the Philippines in 2009.


Speaking of Friendster, I was once addicted to it. In fact, it was my mom who introduced the site to me. Back in 2006, I wouldn’t turn off the computer without changing the look of my FS profile. It was also where I first learned how to add online friends and schoolmates. However, I only added up a few friends there and wasn’t really active. I reached 100 friends in 2008 when FS was losing steam.

When I moved to Facebook and Twitter while enjoying Tumblr, I abandoned my FS and Multi. And on May 25, I made the painful decision to cancel both accounts. I felt a sense of regret at first because I didn’t get to save all the pictures I uploaded before. But I realized there will be always more memories to be captured on camera in the near future.

On the other hand, this is my first entry for the second half of 2010. In eight days I’ll be a senior.

June 9, 2010 will be the final first day as a Theresian. One day I’ll never forget.

[Mayday Parade]

Love Your Dad.

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house. When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn. When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country. When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.