In the middle of writing this post, I accidentally closed my Internet browser so everything disappeared in one click.
My laptop’s LCD screen broke, disabling me from working on stuff in a flawless screen. Thank goodness it’s fixed now, but the horror of not being able to work on layouts or blog entries and watch films that a tablet or a smartphone cannot do for an extended period of time.
On Wednesday, my laptop’s LCD blacked out for no reason. Chaos everywhere. But a single reboot made everything function the way it is supposed to be.
Then this past weekend, I worked on the revisions of my thesis proposal for my second reading this Thursday. I changed my topic because one of the panelists thought it was not interesting enough, hence the verdict of “resubmit” - not a disapprove but improve on the potential of the topic. However, I decided to work on another one since the concept of dealing with peer victimization is too cliched although it is relatable to adolescents everywhere.
My mood is collectively orchestrated by this image below, stress and all (with tears as a bonus):
Thanks to my friends, family, and professors, I was able to control myself a little bit. They always told me two things to remember: 1) do not compare your Chapter 1 to everyone else’s Chapter 20 because we all have to start somewhere, and 2) if you did not get what you wanted the first time, continue to persevere and you’ll achieve it eventually. I’m lucky to have even given the verdict of resubmit rather than disapproved, but what made my heart sink was hearing all those stories which left me pondering whether I am good enough or not. I guess having to go through the second reading only means God wants me to do really well in my thesis.
The topic proposal, my friends, is the reason why I shed so much tears the past few days. Frustration mounted my brain the entire time I worked on my revisions. Deep inside I was sad my topic didn’t get approved immediately, but it only served as my motivation to revise my topic from boring (according to one panelist) to something much more appealing to future audiences. I tried to make it simple and blunt as much as possible. I kept on wondering what would have been had I been approved in the first reading, but everyone helped me ease the pain and move forward . Every time I feel sad thinking my work is inferior compared to others, I just remember that God wants me to improve so my final output would be something I’d be very proud to have accomplished in the end.
I must stay positive. I must stay confident. I can survive this. I will get the “Yes” of Dr. D, Sir Gary, and many others. I can do it!!!
